Month: August 2014

I Beat the Fastest Woman in the 10K – Gay Games

Published on by Matt2 Comments

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Where do I begin?  Spending 10 days in Cleveland, OH last week for the Gay Games #GG9 was incredible, amazing, fulfilling, and totally unexpected.  I guess I knew the Games were being held in Cleveland, but I didn’t give it any thought to participate.  Life sort of had its way of happening and I had my way of Saying YES to Life and well, I ended up in Cleveland as an athlete in the Gay Games 9.  What I didn’t know when I signed up is how much fun it would be, how many people I would meet, and how significant it would feel to participate in an international event that happens every four years.  Cleveland opened it’s arms to the world, and we all answered back.

Cleveland?  Really?  THAT is the city that they chose to host the 2014 Gay Games?  Eight years ago it was in Chicago.  Four years ago the Games were held in Cologne, Germany.  Cleveland, Ohio?  How the hell did they beat out Boston, Washington D.C. and New York City?  That I cannot tell you the answer to, but I can tell you that those other three cities are pretty progressive.  Gays are totally boring in those cities.  The significance of hosting an international event like the Gay Games allowed a humble Mid-West city to become exponentially more progressive and what a job they did.  Everywhere we walked there were rainbow flags hanging from businesses and on lamp posts.  The most iconic building of the city (above) was lit up in a rainbow of color every night as if a beacon saying, “Gays, we love you too and you are welcome in our city.”  Never once did I see a protester.  Never once did I feel uncomfortable holding hands.  Never once did I hear a shout of negativity.  I felt accepted and loved and full of joy for 10 days in Cleveland.  As I said when I left on Sunday, Well done Cleveland.  Well done.

Tom Waddell founded the Gay Olympics in 1982 on the principle

that competition can overcome division and prejudice.

The purpose of the Federation of Gay Games is to foster and augment the self-respect of lesbians and gay men throughout the world and to engender respect and understanding from the nongay world, primarily through an organized international participatory athletic and cultural event held every four years, and commonly known as the Gay Games.

Not only did I want to participate as a runner in the Games, but I wanted to take them in like Princess Kate and Prince William did with the London Olympics.  Much like Kate, I donned my finest attire to attend the diving practice, and the swimming competition and even a basketball game and party after party after party.  I wasn’t nearly as pretty, but I did my hair real nice.  At the basketball game I met a reporter from Germany who sat next to me.  We chatted about the significance of the Games in Cleveland.  He is from Cologne, the host four years prior, and his friends told him the festivities were way more outrageous than in Cleveland.  While chatting, he asked me why I felt the Games were so significant.  What I told him is that Cleveland is still in the Mid-West and there is still a lot of growth that needs to happen.  But unlike Boston, D.C., Chicago, or NYC, Cleveland offered an opportunity for residents of a fairly conservative area of the country to be exposed to more GAYS than they knew existed!  The city was drooling with gays.  Like I said, the city and businesses embraced us all.  I chatted with a girl at the Starbucks who asked about the Games. She had no idea that they are held every four years in an effort to spread tolerance and the message of acceptance and inclusion.  She simply thought her home city was doing something really cool.  Yes, everyone is included in the Gays Games, even our straight friends.  At swimming and diving I saw people who were most likely in their fifties competing.  One man did a belly flop, twice, but he was accepted and a little tolerated, and he was most of all, having fun.  So my conversation with the German reporter continued.  I think it was only because I had my hair real nice, like Kate, remember?  I finished with this.  It may not be the flashiest or most outrageous of Games, but I feel like Cleveland is a success because it furthered the push for acceptance and tolerance in an area of our country that so desperately needs to get on board with all of that.  Ohio, Indiana, Michigan, Wisconsin, they are all on the wrong side of history and the exposure that the Gay Games has given the city of Cleveland, the state of Ohio and it’s residents, I hope, will begin to put the rest of the Mid-West on the right side of history.

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So what was it like?  Well, if I could win a gold medal for party participation, I would have.  The gays know how to throw a party.  I knew if the kick-off party at the art museum Friday night followed by the Opening Ceremonies(Lance Bass-bad; Pointer Sisters-fabulous)Saturday night of opening weekend were any indication, this week would be fab, fab, fab.  It was exhilarating to march in the opening ceremonies that hosted more athletes than the Sochi Olympics, probably because the gays weren’t afraid for their lives to attend this event.  We marched into the Q Arena to a huge party with thousands of fans.  Senators welcomed us.  The Mayor of Cleveland welcomed us.  President Obama welcomed us.  But most of all, Cleveland welcomed us.  One thing we all wished was that Lance Bass had NOT welcomed us.  He was kind of awful.  However, the Pointer Sisters, rocked the house.  “Jump for my love.  Jumpin’ and feel my touch.  Jump Jump For My Love.”  We went to the White Party and of course, as the gays would have it, it poured rain and turned into a huge wet t-shirt orgy.  Ok, that didn’t happen, but Boy George was there spinning some great tunes.  House of Blues hosted a party.  Hotels hosted parties.  Bars hosted parties.  Festival Village hosted parties.  I don’t think we got to bed once before midnight.  Of everything, the post-closing ceremony party might have been my favorite one.  The Games were over and we all relaxed and drank and tossed flowers at each other and danced and made friends and had the time of our lives.  Most of the guys I had just met that week but we simply had the best of times.  So really, I guess it was a huge party with a few athletics thrown in for good measure.

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The above sign is one I never thought I would ever follow in my life.  Growing up, my brother was the athlete in the family.  I tried soccer one fall and asked my coach incessantly if I could organize the oranges for halftime rather than play.  The following spring I gave t-ball a shot.  My parents were frighted for my life, and probably a little embarrassed, when I sat down in the outfield and picked grass with my back to the game.  I wasn’t an athlete.  My freshman year of high school, during PE class, my teacher, the high school swim coach, asked me to join the swim team after he watched me swim.  As an overweight kid, living in the shadow of my all-star athlete brother, I didn’t even give it a thought.  Well, that is wrong, I thought, “I’d love to swim, but what do I show up the first day in?  A speedo?  A regular swimsuit?  I’m not an athlete.”  I just didn’t have the confidence to pull it all together.  So I did my thang in marching band and musicals and had a great experience.  It wasn’t until 2011, after my first marathon, that I felt even remotely athletic.  Even then I’d tell people, “I’m not an athlete.  I just run.”  Finally, last year after running two marathons in three weeks, and posting sub-four hour finishes in both, I felt like an athlete.  When the opportunity arose to participate in the Gay Games I did not even think twice.  I went for it.  I ran three events, the 5K, 10K, and Half Marathon.  In each event I posted new personal records, crushing all of my previous times.  My best race, the 10K, I was 5th in my age bracket, just missing a medal.  I kind of felt like Michelle Kwan, always the bridesmaid.  Whaaa Waaaaaaaaa!  But that doesn’t matter, what is important is that it might have taken a long, long time, but at 38, and Saying YES to Life, I finally call myself, an athlete.

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Look at that amazing bouffont at 6 a.m.  Now that is a GAY ASS ATHLETE! 

My takeaways from the week:

Cleveland, you rocked.  You accepted us.  You loved us.  You rocked with us.  Thank you.  Forevermore, Thank you!

I’ll remember the people I met along the way.  The German reporter who sat with me and interview me at a basketball game.  The speedo clad, tatted up, nipple rings, overly tanned, slightly saggy older man in the swim competition.  Erik, the teacher from Montreal, I sat with on my way to the 10K start line.  We chatted about teaching and kids these days, and how Cleveland rocked the Gay Games.  And there were the two Germans I ran with during the half marathon, Fritz and Michael.  Once I realized they were in my age bracket, I left them in my dust.  Sorry guys, it was nice chatting with you.  There was the girl who waited on us for brunch following my race.  “Did you guys participate?  Did you win?”  My response, “He’s a sliver medalist in volleyball.  Mine is just a participation medal.”  Haha, it’s fine.  She said, “Oh cool.  This is all so cool,” with a huge smile on her face.  Finally, all of the guys I call my new friends.  You know who you are and you are pretty awesome.  It was a joy to participate with you and all the shenanigans.  Thanks for opening your arms so wide to me.

Our straight allies who participated in the sports or volunteered or simply cheered us on, as the MC of the Closing Ceremonies said, “Where are our straight people?  We love straight people.  We need you to make more of us.”  Isn’t that the truth.  Thank you for making us and loving us!

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It was an incredible week filled with amazing feelings of joy and memories to last a lifetime.  My friend Matt captured many of the finest moments in this video that played at the closing ceremonies(find him at mattquinncreative.com).  If you watch closely, you might recognize one of the athletes at 1 minute 40 seconds.  Matt’s video captures how it felt to participate and spend 10 days at #GG9.

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  Yup, I’m lucky and so are the thousands of gay men and women I spent time with and competed against in the Gay Games.  Our world has changed immensely in the eight years since Chicago hosted the games.  What will the world be like for us gays in 2018 when Paris hosts us?  Yes, us, I say.  US!  We’re going!

I leave you with this charming, charming little conversation that will live on and on.  “You are the SILVER medalist in volleyball,” I lovingly said to my guy.  “And you honey beat the fastest woman in the 10K!”

Say YES to Life!

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“I’m Gay”

Published on by Matt5 Comments

“I’m Gay” …

the two hardest words that have ever left my lips, but what was even more difficult was getting to the point of saying those words.  People often ask, “Did you know you were gay?”  My response often, “Did you know you were straight?”  Growing up in a straight world; a society that celebrates being straight, “normal” and all that goes with being how your parents envision your life to be.  My parents have always been accepting of my gayness(I don’t like “lifestyle”, “homosexuality” sounds so scientific, and I hope we can put to rest the idea of “choice”.)  But, what they said to me when I told them, “I’m gay” is that it was never a life they envisioned for their child because of the difficulty.  I also believe that parents have hopes and dreams for their children based on the straight society in which we are raised.  Kids are born, they play, they learn, they grow, they leave home, they marry, they have kids…..that is what our society celebrates.  That, I believe, is what parents hope for their children.  My journey has been different.  What I know for sure is that my family may not totally understand my journey, but they have always been supportive and most of all, proud of who I have become.  I’ve lived 38 years, but I’ve lived my truth the past 12 years.

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So back to that age old question gay men are asked, “Did you know you were gay?”  No.  I grew up in a time that there were not gay role models.  Gays were not very present, if at all, on television.  The gays in the media were Liberace or Elton John, certainly two men I never identified with.  So though I knew I felt different, I never really knew why.  I played with the boys in the neighborhood, rode bikes in the woods, went swimming, played with WWF wrestling figures, but around 6th grade, when they were playing football in the backyard, I started to find that I would rather lay in front of my stereo at home and listen to Wilson Phillips and Tiffany.  Hahaha.  Honestly, I laugh now.  I loved Barbara Mandrell and the Mandrell Sisters when I was five and would put on weekly shows while watching their Saturday night variety show on NBC.  I loved and will always love, Whitney Houston.  I laid in front of my stereo every Sunday morning for four hours and listened to Rick Dee’s and the Weekly Top 40.  I watched Star Search on Saturday afternoon at 5 p.m. and then watched the same repeat episode on Sunday at 4 p.m.  Did I know I was gay?  No.  Did I know I had very different interests than the fellas on the street?  Yes.  That was basically how I lived my life from age 12 to 18.  I did not necessarily shy away from being me, but I was aware that I needed to hide some of my interests as not to be made fun of and always in my head hoping, “this is just a phase.  I’ll grow out of it.”

Funny, I never “grew out of it.”  I went to college and still repressed any feelings I had toward boys.  What was wonderful in college is that I met my friends Herb and Cary.  Though none of us were out at that time, we connected on a level that was better for me.  Cary had Entertainment Weekly too and openly loved Mariah just as much as I loved Whitney.  Herb loved Celine Dion and wanted to watch “Deep End of the Ocean” with Michelle Pfeiffer and Robert Redford.  Glory Glory Hallelujah, finally people like me.  Again, all of us were struggling with the same acceptance of ourselves, but at least I felt more comfortable knowing that I wasn’t the only guy with interests other than the “norm.”

It wasn’t until eight years later, when I was 26, that I finally, FINALLY, was able to say, “I’m Gay!”  I told my friend Dennis after his “coming out” party.  He’d recently moved in with a new roommate.  It was the first party I ever went to with all gay men.  The party blew my mind.  I met so many people and sat with a guy named Paul and talked about General Hospital for about two hours.  Haha, Heaven!  What is this easy NOT uneasy feeling in my stomach?  Why does this feel so “right?”  Dennis walked me out to grab a cab and my life changed forever, “I’m gay Dennis.”

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For the past 12 years I have been living my life “through.”  It has not always been easy.  Telling my mom and dad was excruciatingly painful.  Feeling I had to keep my gayness a secret from work was increasingly more difficult as I wanted to involve my friends in my entire life, but I lived a double, smoke and mirrors life for several years.  What I know now that I didn’t know then, is that everyone has been accepting and loving of me and my gayness.  The fear of being rejected never came true.  The fear of work friends caring never came true.  I never felt that people did not “know” rather, I just had not “told” them.  A funny story is the time I was at recess with a few of my 5th grade students.  The conversation between four girls happened right in front of me, yet I was not part of the conversation, I simply heard it.  “My parents say that if Mr. T is gay that is fine because he’s a great teacher.”  “Yeah, I asked my mom if he is gay and she said probably but that it didn’t matter because he’s a really nice guy.”  Hilarious!  What that moment taught me is that errrrrrrrbody “knows” I’m gay, I just haven’t “told” everybody.  So now, 12 years later, my life just IS.  I’m gay.  It’s not a big dramatic thing.  I don’t hide my life from anyone.  I used to feel it had to be this big announcement; a planned event.  Telling my family and my friends at first was such a big deal.  I had to keep it a secret from this person but not that person.  If I was dating I could only tell this person or that person.  When I would go to gay bars I would only tell this person but not that person.  I distinctly remember the first or second night I ever went out to Boystown bars.  I was sitting in the chair at my computer on Magnolia Ave.  I was on the computer checking email before I left.  My body was convulsing.  I was shaking so bad with nerves that my muscles seized up and I couldn’t move.  Somehow I calmed myself down and got out of the house.  That night I walked into Sidetrack and said to myself, with a sigh of relief, “Oh, this is what it is supposed to feel like to go to a bar.  This is what is normal for me.”  I walked into the bar with ALL men.  It was amazing and wonderful.  I was finally living my truth.

I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist
Like it doesn’t exist
I’m gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier

So here I am, 12 years later, at the Gay Games getting ready to run the 10K today.  For many reasons this is an incredible experience.  In high school I never had the confidence to join the swimming team, even when I was asked to do so by the coach.  “I’m not an athlete” I would think.  Now I’m an athlete participating in one of the biggest sporting events of 2014.  12 years ago I wasn’t comfortable just being myself, now I’m a confident man, dancing in the streets last night with other men from around the world.  I’m posting to social media telling my story because I can.  It’s my truth and it is who I am and who I was born to be.  “To thine own self be true.”  August 5th is when I celebrate my birth.  August 10th is when I celebrate my life.  Say YES to Life!

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