I Am Gay: Live Your Truth

Published on March 22, 2018March 22, 2018 by MattLeave a comment

live-your-truth

For so many reasons recently, I have been thinking about living my truth and how I got to this point. First of all, my spiritual force, Oprah, has been talking a lot about living your truth. Secondly, I just recently got married to *gasp* a man, my truth. Thirdly, the motion picture Love, Simon was released nationwide last weekend. Lastly, but I don’t promise to go in this order (the English teacher in me is disappointed but I need to just write) the new Queer Eye on Netflix has me crying like a baby each episode. So for all of these reasons, I have just been thinking about my truth and my coming out and my years spent in the closet and how all of it might have been different if the media coverage today of gay men and women was out in the 90s or if the messages in movies and tv were what they are now. Back in the 90s, a lot of my coming out would have been different, and much sooner, than the age of 26, that I know for sure.

Let us begin with Mother Oprah, my force, my leader, my guide. I love her. The above quote is from her Golden Globes speech back in January 2018. “What I know for sure is that speaking your truth is the most powerful tool we have.” Wow-yes it definitely is and recently I have been having conversations with some of my students about speaking their truth and because of those conversations I have given some long thought about my truth and how it came to be and why it came to be the way it did. I also heard on a podcast today Oprah say, “Every person who comes to Earth has a responsibility to seek the truest, highest expression. And the keyword is true…the responsibility is how do you not just speak the truth but how are you the truth? The responsibility is to show up in that which is the most authentic truthful version of yourself.” Wowza that is a lot, right? My teenage self wouldn’t have been able to digest that, but my 41-year-old self say hell yes and what I do with that is take on the responsibility to show up as the most authentic version of myself and share my story and live my truth.

MY CLOSET

Let’s be truthful here, I love clothes and I love shoes and my closet is full of both. Now THAT is a great closet. But you know what isn’t a great closet? The gay closet that I and so many people live or lived in for years. People ask me when I knew I was gay and I always say that I knew I was different around 3rd Grade. That was the first time I can place a feeling I had about a boy I knew. It was a feeling of excitement in my tummy when I spent the night at his house, in his bedroom. THIRD GRADE y’all! Then in 6th Grade when I knew much more about what was going on with girls and boys, I knew that changing for PE meant getting down to our underwear to put on our shorts and t-shirt and I didn’t hate it. Hahahah I didn’t hate it because it meant I got to see boys. Now what I did with that information was suppress it down to the deepest place in my subconscious because I didn’t know what to do with that information. There just weren’t examples for me to look up to or strive to be like or just to know that it is ok. There was also a lot of hate. In 7th Grade, minding my own business walking to class, someone for the first time in my life called me a faggot. I can still see his face, clear as day, in my mind. That reprehensible word has so much negativity and hate and for me, fear attached to it. Now people were starting to notice I was different and they were calling me out and now I have to suppress my sexual orientation even more. That was fear and not understanding and not knowing who or if I had anyone I could talk to about my feelings. I remember telling my dad about that incident and he asked, “Where you walking really fast?” Obviously he had some stereotypes in his head too, but he tried to help me make sense of it.

In the new Queer Eye on Netflix in episode 4 a closeted gay man gets made over and comes out to his stepmom. I sobbed like a baby, on the plane, over that moment. But what one of the cast members said stuck with me when he talked about his coming out and having to climb over “the wall” of three words — I AM GAY. Those three words were the hardest three words I have ever had to say. It still gives me a feeling in my stomach thinking about the night I told my parents. What I know now is that they love me no matter what and their reaction, staring at the wall, was out of fear; fear that my life would be harder and subject to discrimination and childless and partnerless and lonely. None of that is true. Maybe childless, but I chose that, and maybe I experienced a little discrimination or hate over the years, yes, but really, none of those fears came true. But they all shadowed my life and why I kept things in the closet for so long. One other thing I want to say here, about that night in 2002, is that I didn’t understand that sharing this piece of me wasn’t just about me. Parents have to go on their own journey too because mostly out of fear, but also out of the need for a moment to digest things. Wilson Cruz of My So Called Life fame recently said in a podcast, “They [parents] are really amazing now. They had to go on their own journey and I needed to support them in that. When we come out to people it’s not just about us, right? Yes it’s our experience and we’re sharing our lives with people but I think we need to be generous in that moment, as well, to the people we’re coming out to and give them a minute to adjust and digest and then give them permission to show up for you. But it’s not necessarily going to happen right away, and that’s ok.” I wish I had handled my parents a little more gently. I mean, I was surprised they were surprised considering all of my childhood interests, but they were nonetheless. I started shoving it down their throats bringing up how hot Brad Pitt was and always wanting to talk about celebrity men, just to see their reaction. Calm down and give them a minute, is what I wish I had done. Regardless now of where I am or how I got here or how long I took to stay in the closet, I’m here now and I’m living my truth for the past 16 years.

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One more thing about growing up in the 90s and living in the closet. I loved season three of The Real World San Fransisco. Pedro Zamora was my first introduction to a mainstream gay person on television. I watched the show religiously each week and each week I watched this gay man live his truth, with AIDS. This was an extremely admirable thing that Pedro did and a gift that he gave to all of us. Yet, as a 15-year-old, closeted gay boy in small town Michigan, it was also incredibly fear inducing. HIV? AIDS? The only thing I knew about those letters was that it meant you were gay and it meant you were going to die. Pedro did die. I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to get HIV. And there you have a huge reason why I suppressed my feelings and my true self for so many years. I was uneducated and as much work as Pedro did on the show TO educate me, fear won out in my head for far too long. Part of it was just the way of life back in the 90s and I think, what if I was a teenager now, would I still be scared? Sure, I am positive there would still be fear, but all of the information and media coverage that we have now about HIV, it is a very different time. So thank god for Pedro and for his education of us all, but with it came a cost, a fear for me.

Love, Simon

Now here we are in 2018 and there is a major motion picture out in theatres called Love, Simon.

“No matter what, announcing who you are to the world is

pretty terrifying, ’cause, what if the world doesn’t like you?”

*******

“P.S. It doesn’t seem fair that only gay people

have to come out. Why is straight the default?”

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What would it have meant to my 15-year-old self had this movie been out in the 90s? What would it have meant to my parents at the time? How would my life be different now? I’m positive my life would be slightly different but not that much. I’m here and I’m queer and I have a wonderful life. I might have come out a lot younger. My parents might have had a different experience the night I climbed over the “WALL” — I AM GAY. But we all get to our truth when we are supposed to get to our truth. We all, I hope, will eventually live our truth. I hope that each person out there, gay teens, straight teens, people of all kinds, find the power in speaking their truth.

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Whether you’re lucky enough to be gay or not —

Find Your Truth.

Speak Your Truth.

Live Your Truth.

I Have a Crush & His Name Is Adam Rippon

Published on March 1, 2018March 1, 2018 by MattLeave a comment

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Don’t get all excited. My crush isn’t romantic at all, more I’m crushing on Adam Rippon because of the role model status he now has as the first openly gay athlete to qualify for the Winter Olympics. What a joy it is to know that there are so many people out their for our young, questioning LGBTQ+ youth to look up to. When I was young I didn’t really have anyone. Gay men were not in the media except Liberace and eventually Elton John but I didn’t relate to them. Now, just within the last few years and especially right now there are so many different examples of real and fictional people who are role models and what a breath of fresh air!

“I always felt like it was really important for me to share my story ’cause like when I came out, I did that because when I was young, I didn’t really like have any role models and um, I wanted to share my story and kind of normalize it a little bit. And I think it is really important especially in this day and age to share who you are; share your story, especially as a gay athlete.” ~Adam Rippon

And there you have it, my crush because he is unabashedly himself. He is snarky and flamboyant and talented and athletic and full of heart. Adam Rippon is out there setting an example and being himself and sharing his confidence and love and spreading joy. I will admit, my first encounter with Adam was back in January at the National Skating competition. I felt he came off confident and charming, but almost arrogant. That all changed a couple of weeks ago when I started watching the Olympics, watching his interviews, and following him @adaripp and @NBCOlymics on Instagram.

**And then there is this one!**

Let’s be honest here, as a young boy growing up there were not role models. I mean, I loved Whitney and pageants, but I couldn’t talk about that but I didn’t feel safe really talking about that and there wasn’t someone older out there, gay, saying he was interested in the same stuff. I watched the “Battle of the Carmens”, Katarina Witt vs. Debbie Thomas, and the “Battle of the Brians” Brian Orser vs. Brian Boitano, at the 1988 Olympics in Calgary. I loved it. Those were the first Winter Olympics I remember. The red and black sparkles of the ladies’ outfits and the military spandex of the men.

But it wasn’t until 1992 in Albertville that I really fell in love with skating. Kristi Yamaguchi was everything in my world at that moment. I had articles and photos taped to my bedroom walls. I remember the night of the short program I had a band concert and I was so upset that I was going to miss her performance. Luckily I taped it on the VCR. I was 15 at the time. After that Winter Olympics I got rollerblades and I created programs in the street and at the neighbor’s house. Of course I couldn’t jump, but I was doing triple toe loops in my head with music blaring from my boombox.

Figure Skating - Kristi Yamaguchi

A few weeks ago, when Adam Rippon hit the Olympics and landed an expert program to help the USA bring home a team bronze, there was so much buzz. I read this article from Vanity Fair and basically I could have written it myself. It is everything I think and feel from back in those days and coming full circle today.

The Bittersweet Beauty of Adam Rippon

How much an out gay Olympian could mean to a kid now–or to a 34-year-old who’s been waiting for it his whole life.

https://www.vanityfair.com/style/2018/02/adam-rippon-gay-olympic-athletes

The subtitle says it all. It could read, “A 41-year-old who’s been waiting for it his whole life” and that would be me. So here I am thinking how wonderful a time it is to live, minus all the news out of Washington D.C., for many of our LGBTQ+ youth. Yes, there are still attacks on transgender rights and that has to stop, but for a brief moment in time, Adam Rippon captured the conversation of a nation. Everyone was talking about Adam. And because of that and all the media coverage, some little boy in Nebraska, who hasn’t quite figured himself out, but now knows that there are people out there like him and Adam and me, who might now feel just a little bit more confident that, everything will be ok.

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Recently, Oprah made headlines with a speech she gave at the 2018 Golden Globe Awards. It was a very powerful speech for many reasons. She spoke about the #METOO campaign and she talked about living your truth. When we live our truth we put out there positive energy that not only helps us, but undoubtedly helps someone else who might be watching and we just don’t know it. When you live your truth you live with power. You live with the power to make choices and to take roads less traveled and to blaze a path that perhaps has never been blazed before. When you live your truth you empower not only yourself but you empower other people. Living our truth is the greatest gift we can give.

What is so wonderful about Adam Rippon is that he lives his truth. Maybe if there was an Adam Rippon back in 1988 or 1992 I would have started living my truth much sooner. Maybe I wouldn’t have, who knows, but what I know for sure is that we might not all identify with him on the surface, but we all can relate to the power he brings to the conversation about just being you, just being the person you were born to be, just living with the freedom to be who YOU are supposed to be.

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So that brings me to the now. Besides Adam, there is so much GAY out there and it is wonderful. We have the reboot of WILL & GRACE and QUEER EYE! I cry at every single episode of the new Queer Eye.

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These are two shows that changed the conversation back in the late 90s and early 2000s. Our country is in such a different place of acceptance and tolerance now. We do have a long, long way to go but we’re getting there and perhaps these shows helped just a little bit.

You remember this and what a shock it was and then what an, ah ha moment!?!

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And at the Oscars on Sunday, Call Me By Your Name is up for several awards including Best Picture and Best Actor. It’s a movie about love, finding love, and losing love. Yes, the title characters are gay, but they could be anyone really. These are two men who are trying to live their truth while needing to hide it as well. What a beautiful story about love and lust and the agony of loss. These are the normal emotions we all feel.

Finally, on March 16, the move Love, Simon will be released in theatres nationwide. What is that you say, a nationwide released movie about a teenager coming out and finding love? YES, yes it is indeed! This is AMERICA and in 2018 we have movies about Amer-I-CANs living their truth. I wonder what it would have been like if ALL of these amazing, heartwarming, wonderful things in the media and pop culture would have been around in say 1990? How would my life and so many gay American’s lives be different?

“Everyone deserves a great love story, but for 17-year-old Simon Spier, it’s a little more complicated. He hasn’t told his family or friends that he’s gay, and he doesn’t know the identity of the anonymous classmate that he’s fallen for online. Resolving both issues proves hilarious, terrifying and life-changing. ~Love, Simon

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What I know for sure (I love you Oprah) is that I was gay as hell back then and I’m gay as hell now. Almost everything about my interests as a kid and teen SCREAMED, “YOU’RE GAY MATT” but I didn’t have an Adam Rippon to look up to. I didn’t have shows and movies that portrayed anything other than heteronormative families. I was different, and I knew it, but I never felt I could express it to anyone. Sure I played dress up in my house and watched pageants on television and I loved figure skating and thought boys were cute and the list goes on and on. One of these days I should write a blog titled, “The 1000 Signs Matt Was Gay As A Kid”. I mean, honestly, there might be more. I digress, what I love about right now is that Adam Rippon is the first openly gay athlete to qualify for the Winter Olympics, compete in them and WIN a medal. Way to Go Adam! Thank you for living your truth, being gay as hell, and sharing it all with us. We owe you, all of us, big time!!

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What’s Love Got To Do With It?

Published on February 14, 2018February 14, 2018 by MattLeave a comment

Let’s get this out of the way, Valentine’s Day is a made-up holiday that we give so much power to, yet we’re all ok on February 15 whether we got a box of chocolates or a dozen roses or nothing at all. The sun still rises and our lives go on. Believe me, BELIEVE me, there have been times in my life where I was sad not to have a Valentine. Let’s say for about 36 years I never had one, but I was ok. I had the love of friends and when I became an adult I had the love of red wine. Now I’m a married man and EVERYTHING has changed…..or not much at all. I’m at home, alone, writing this blog. My husband and I live in two different cities so being together is not possible. And honestly, we don’t really celebrate Valentine’s Day much anyway because, remember, the sun is still going to rise tomorrow whether you have that dozen roses or not. Just go get a glass of wine and sit back to read my blog.

Like I said, for about 36 years I never had a Valentine and I dealt with it and I was fine. Of course I wanted the chocolates and the roses and all of that. I did. Society has told me over the years that I need that to make myself whole, but in reality, I do not. Then at age 37 I got them. It was great. I was excited. I was fulfilled and everything was just perfect. Then three months later my heart was broken and I was devastated as evidenced in my blog post “For Now”. Then for the next year I did some really hard personal work. I survived my next Valentine’s Day while dating a new guy, then a few weeks later that ended. Was it wonderful to have these Valentines flowers and candies and candles? Of course it was but what I learned was that someone can give you all that stuff and not truly love you and so then, what does it matter?

“Didn’t see it coming. No kind of warning. I can’t work out what I’ve done wrong. His clothes are missing. But his keys still here. Please somebody tell me whats going on.”

I recently heard the song “Suitcase” by Emeli Sandé which was in heavy rotation the summer of 2013. I had such a broken heart and I did everything possible not to be alone, ever. After work I would go to yoga practice two classes in a row and come home and go straight to bed. But what saved me from myself were friends. Friends are really incredible people. No matter what, they love you. Friends are there to go to dinner and talk and hate on the ex and just be there with you. I have so many friends who helped pull me through. I also did so much for myself like yoga and meditation and blogging and finding the little things in each day that made me happy with #100happydays. I found the joy in a fresh, ripe avocado. I found the joy in friendship. I found the joy, as hard as it was, in being on my own. Although I had lived so many years single, the year I spent in between my heartache and finding the love of my life was really hard. I had a taste of what I longed for for so long, not being alone. But in reality, what I know for sure, is that whether I’m alone or with someone, I’m going to be ok.

The reality is that we all want to be loved by that special person. We learn about it and see it growing up and we long for it as adults. BUT, “somebody” can be family, friends, or YOURSELF, too! How wonderful it is to find the love of yourself? Let me tell you after a year of really hard personal work, it is wonderful. Had I not done the hard, personal work after being dumped and having a broken heart, I would not have been ready to find the love I have with my husband now.

“Even when the dark comes crashing through. When you need a friend to carry you.
When you’re broken on the ground. You will be found.”

Dear Evan Hansen the Tony Award winning Broadway sensation has a song “You Will Be Found” with the lyrics above. What I can tell you about Valentine’s Days past and love and friendship is that you will be found because your friends will never let you crash down without picking you up and dusting you off and pushing you out there into life to live again. Check out my post called “Waving Through A Window” and you will read about the joy that love has brought me. However, had it not been for the love of friends and family, and a lot of personal work “Single Season” I would not have been ready for the love of my life.

So whether you are single or partnered on this Valentine’s Day, find the joy in your life. Look for the simple things that make you smile. Look for your family and friends. Look for the wine! Whether you are alone or with someone right now, I can tell you that loving your life and taking a deep breath and just embracing it all is what you can do today. And to all of you Valentine-less people out there, enjoy it. You get to do what you want, when you want, and how you want. There is something beautiful about that.

Let’s Talk Whitney

Published on August 9, 2017January 30, 2018 by MattLeave a comment

Today would have been Whitney Houston’s 54th birthday.

August 9, 1963 – February 11, 2012

So let’s talk about Whitney and her talent, legacy, and so many gifts she gave to all of us. I recently read an article in Entertainment Weekly with the band The Killers. In the article, lead singer Brandon Flowers talked about one of their new songs, “Tyson vs. Douglas” named for the 1990 boxing match in which then champion Mike Tyson shockingly lost to Buster Douglas. Flowers says the song, “explores what it is like to lose a hero.” I immediately thought about my hero, Whitney Houston.

On January 26, 1987 Whitney became my biggest hero the night she won five American Music Awards and sang her hit “All At Once”.

As an 11 year old boy she stood ten feet tall that night and every night there after. What is so sad to me is that Whitney Houston fell. In the late 90s until she passed away she fell from grace and that is what people remember. Whenever Whitney comes up in conversation (which actually happens all the time around me) people immediately say, “What do you think about Bobby Brown?” “What about the drugs?” You know what, she was SO much more than either of those things and right here, we are going to celebrate “The Voice” as Oprah called her. We are going to celebrate my hero, Whitney Houston.

In the coming weeks Showtime will air a documentary called Whitney Houston: Can I Be Me? I want to explore this, one of her favorite sayings, as we celebrate Whitney. She really was never able to be herself. She was pure pop music and her persona took on a life of its own and her mother and manager marketed her to be WHITNEY HOUSTON, but Whitney Elizabeth Houston was a much different girl.

When Whitney was a young girl growing up in Newark, New Jersey she would go to church and sing. She loved to sing. Whitney was also a model. She was the first African-American to ever grace the cover of Seventeen Magazine. Before Whitney Houston became Whitney Houston, she was way more her than the person we would grow to know and love. There are no wigs. Whitney was a beautiful, natural teenager. She was happy.

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When her first album, Whitney Houston, debuted in 1985 we saw a slicked back haired Whitney on the cover, but soon after the 80s pop princess would be created.

By 1986 and 1987 Whitney was America’s pop princess and her persona as a bubble gum pop beauty was set. This wasn’t necessarily Whitney, but this was WHITNEY HOUSTON.

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I remember when “I Wanna Dance with Somebody” came out in June of 1987 and in the video Whitney had several looks. She has three distinctive looks in that video and I remember wondering about that because in January she had a shorter and full curly style. Then a few months later she had really long curly hair. It blew my mind being a white kid from west Michigan I had no idea what African-Americans did to style their hair. Some process it, some use weaves, and some wear wigs. Whitney wore wigs. I remember asking my mom, “How can she have so many different looks in one video?” And here you have why Whitney used to always say, “Can I be me?” This wasn’t her but it very much was the pop persona created to be Whitney Houston.

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The Voice — Whitney had one of the most amazing vocal instruments of our time. She was one of the most, if not the most, gifted recording artist of our time. The purity, the power, the range make her voice one of a kind. She remains the most awarded artist ever with over 600 awards and her record of seven consecutive number one hits stands to this day (Saving All My Love For You, How Will I Know, The Greatest Love of All, I Wanna Dance with Somebody, Didn’t We Almost Have It All, So Emotional, and Where Do Broken Hearts Go).

If you wonder why she has so many awards to her name, take a listen to the raw vocals for “How Will I Know.”

Awards over the years and Whitney looks.

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Mandatory Credit: Photo by Photoreporters Inc. / Rex Features (142678c) Whitney Houston and mother Cissy AMERICAN MUSIC AWARDS, AMERICA – 1988

From an Entertainment Weekly article about when Mick Jagger to come into Whitney’s studio as she recorded her mega hit, and my favorite, “So Emotional.” Her producer Narada Michael Walden, “Houston headed to New York City to lay down vocals for “So Emotional” at Right Track Studios, and her powerhouse pipes caught the ear of the Rolling Stones frontman. “Mick was recording next door and he had to come in and witness it,” says Walden. “He started jumping around, as he does, and he just couldn’t believe the sound. Whitney was so excited about that.”

Sometimes it isn’t the studio versions or the huge live concert performances that show Whitney’s pure talent. Take a listen to this clip with Paul Shaffer on the show Friday Night Videos from 1986.

It was recently the 30th Anniversary of Whitney Houston’s iconic Whitney album this summer. There were a lot of articles that you probably missed (hahaha, but I didn’t) about this album, like, rating the Whitney album’s 11 songs. Also with the new documentary coming out there have been articles rating her 25 best songs. NPR recently rated her Whitney Houston album as the 14th best album by a female artist out of 150 albums.

‘Whitney’: Ranking every song on Whitney Houston’s seminal 1987 album

The 25 best Whitney Houston songs

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So here are my lists of Whitney songs. We all have our favorites. What are yours?

Top 5 Whitney Pop Hits

I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me)
I Will Always Love You
How Will I Know
So Emotional
The Greatest Love of All

My Top 5 Ballads

All the Man That I Need
I Have Nothing
Didn’t We Almost Have It All
You Give Good Love
Where Do Broken Hearts Go

HM. Exhale(Shoop Shoop)

My Top 5 Uptempo Songs

So Emotional
I’m Your Baby Tonight
I Wanna Dance with Somebody(Who Loves Me)
I’m Every Woman
My Love Is Your Love

HM. Million Dollar Bill

My Top 5 Performances

All the Man That I Need – Welcome Home Heroes Concert 1992
Star Spangled Banner – Super Bowl 1991
One Moment In Time – Grammy Awards 1989
I Love You Porgy, And I’m Telling You I’m Not Going, I Have Nothing – American Music Awards 1994
Didn’t We Almost Have It All – Saratoga Spring Concert 1987

HM. Loverman, My Man, All the Man That I Need – Billboard Awards 1991

My Top 5 Favorite Whitney Songs

So Emotional
All the Man That I Need
You Give Good Love
I’m Every Woman
Where You Are

HM. Nobody Loves Me Like You Do

*In future blog posts I hope to explore each of these lists with thoughts and insights and clips.

So here we are celebrating Whitney on her birthday. Whitney was and still is so important to me. People just know and have since I was in elementary school that I am her biggest fan. The night she died, between Facebook and text messages I had well over 150 condolences. I don’t know why but I just connected to her and here is why. The Whitney Houston persona took over her life and led her away from her greatest gift. We lost a legend and I lost a hero the day she died. I will always continue to sing her praises and will always remind people that she was a gift and there was so much more to her than the negative 2000s. She was a performer, a vocalist, a talent like we have never seen before. Whitney was at her prime in this video and it is one of my all time favorite video clips. Enjoy and always remember Whitney the way she should be remembered — for the gift of her voice that she shared with us all.

Equal Dignity — June 26, 2015

Published on July 22, 2015July 22, 2015 by MattLeave a comment

It’s been 25 days since the Supreme Court of the United States ruled in favor of equal rights and equal dignity for all Americans. Call it Gay Marriage, call it Marriage, call it what it is, a Human Right that is afforded to Americans based on our Constitution. I’ve been meaning to write about this momentous day for a few weeks, but just haven’t had a chance. I also wanted it to settle in and I wanted to feel it. On June 26, 2015 LOVE did win.

We should never let anyone into our hearts if they don’t enter with love. With all the hatred around the SCOTUS decision and the fight over equal rights, “Love Wins” is one of the truest messages. As the late, great Whitney Houston once sang, “Your love is my love and my love is your love.” We all love. We all want to love. We all want to feel love. If two men or two women find love, let it be, please! Who’s to say that your love is more right than my love or my love is more right than your love? Life, this journey, is hard enough, why make it harder by fighting over love? Let love be. Let us move forward allowing everyone to love.

So here’s my perspective as a non-religious gay man, it’s a separation of church and state. Our forefathers wrote that into the constitution for a reason. For so many years I have been arguing the point that I’m not asking to get married in your church. I’m not religious, so I would never get married in a church. If you want to that is wonderful, for you. “Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness” is part of the Constitution(state, “government”), and if my happiness means marrying a man, then I get to do that. Marriage comes in two forms. There is a ceremony(the church if you choose) and there is the license. With the legal part of a marriage license come rights that heterosexual couples have always had. These are the law, not the Bible. These are the state, not the church. No matter what you believe marriage is, one man, one woman…two men or two women…everyone should be given the same legal rights of marriage because we live in America and we all should be afforded the same rights. Now, because SCOTUS ruled in favor, it is the Law of the Land, as it should be, as it always should have been, as it now will be forever more.

Ever since President Obama came out in favor of gay marriage, I felt things would pick up speed, and they sure did. People have differing opinions on when and how Obama “evolved” into believing in the right for gay men and women to marry. He is a politician and our country is so divided that of course he didn’t come out and fully support gay marriage until after he successfully won his second term. Say what you choose, but what matters to me is that he did and I always felt he would, once he was a second term President. When President Obama took office two states recognized gay marriage, seven years later, all 50 states recognize it. I believe that when the leader of the free world came out and supported equal rights, the slope slipped in the right direction. Call it political posturing, or whatever, Obama had to do it the right way and he did. Thank you Mr. President!

Several years ago, my friend’s son wrote a letter to President Obama. He asked the President to pass a law so that I can get married. How wonderful, right? E has known me since the time he was born. He and his sister have grown up in a time that gay men and women have just been part of social media and their personal life. In my opinion, he’s been lucky enough to have several “Guncles” in his life, and we are lucky enough to have him in our lives. This now middle school boy just accepts love as love, couples as couples, people as people. My hope is that his generation is growing up knowing that “love is love”. They are going to be the first generation that doesn’t quite remember the time of marriage vs. gay marriage. He and his generation will know only, MARRIAGE.

Speaking of the younger generation, did you see this 7 year-old girl stand up to a homophobic preacher?

It’s quite wonderful that I was home in Michigan visiting my family the day of the SCOTUS decision. My five and six-year-old nieces’ take on the day’s events, “Can we be your flower girls and wear pretty dresses?” Again, this young generation will not remember a time when marriage was talked about separately. They will only know marriage as a celebration of love. How wonderful is that?

The sidewalk in Bronson Park, Kalamazoo, Michigan-June 26, 2015

So what does this all mean? I think Frank Bruni writes about it best in his article “Our Weddings, Our Worth” from the New York Times. It’s about worth. It’s about EVERY American feeling worthy and feeling noticed and feeling dignified. This blows my mind because it is exactly how I feel when Bruni writes, “And that’s because the Supreme Court’s decision wasn’t simply about weddings. It was about worth. From the highest of this nation’s perches, in the most authoritative of this nation’s voices, a majority of justices told a minority of Americans that they’re normal and that they belong — fully, joyously and with cake.” So what it means is that our young gay men and women can grow up in a time knowing that they belong and that they are normal and that they matter. And for me it means that I can get married and have cake!!

As all of this settles in, there are still haters, some of whom want to lead our country like Ted Cruz who is calling for states not to follow the law. Um, Ted, it’s the law. You have to follow it. Sorry dude! We must push that nonsense away(and not vote these bigots into office)and forge our path to love!! LOVE! While we do that, I would like to share some of my favorite moments and images of June 26th, 2015 and the days following via social media.

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The White House

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Our President 🙂

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Our Next President–Please?

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Police raising the Pride flag at City Hall in Chicago

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Niagara Falls

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What a week in US history

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A lot of work yet to accomplish

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This Instagram post from Bey

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That’s right, what makes being American and living in America so wonderful is that we can all have different opinions and we don’t have to agree on any of them. But, we should always be kind to one another and we all deserve the same rights. In the end, it’s about every American knowing that he matters, that she is worthy, and that we are all dignified. Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote the most beautiful final paragraph in his majority opinion ruling.

No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right. The judgment of the Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit is reversed.

Now we move forward. Let’s call it marriage. Let’s call it celebrations of love. We’re all equal and we’re all deserving of human rights. We are all deserving of the rights afforded to all Americans. So go ahead, you can just call it MARRIAGE now.

Be In Love With Your Life!

Published on June 10, 2015June 10, 2015 by Matt3 Comments

my toiletry bag, a gift from my boyfriend 🙂 and a constant reminder

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For so many reasons, I’m excited about life right now. My 97-year-old grandmother just celebrated her 80^th high school reunion. And she’s going to meet my boyfriend, for the first time in my life. I’m about to celebrate my 20^th high school reunion. And we’re having lunch with my 4^th grade teacher too and that is just amazing. Summer vacation is upon us and that is just exciting because for six weeks I won’t have to pack my lunch, set my alarm, I can drink lots of “summer water” commonly known as rosé, and I can finally watch Jimmy Falon! Annnnnnnnd The Supreme Court of the United States is about to rule on equality, gay marriage, and that is reaaaallllly cool! Life is exciting ya’ll!

So get this, my grandmother is 97 years old!!! She is truly amazing. Back in the day, she and my grandfather got me my first pair of cowboy boots and my first microphone. They took me to two county fairs to see Barbara Mandrell perform and she introduced me to Regis and Kathie Lee back during a summer visit in 1990. When I was a teen my grandmother and I would sit on the porch in Fostoria, MI, looking at the big red barn and the corn fields and we would talk about her ”story”, Days of Our Lives. I watched too and had a lot to say. Patch and Kayla’s wedding, when Kayla got her hearing back? Forget about it. The “Cruise of Deception,” that was entertaining. Stefano? Marlena? Duke who really wasn’t Duke because he was John Black? Jack and Jennifer? Bo and Hope? All of it and the juicy details were discussed on that porch. I was about 13 and she was about 73. It was a 60-year difference, but we were on the same page. Anyway, the point is, my grandmother is really cool. And why is this exciting? It’s exciting because in a couple of weeks I’m going to introduce my grandmother to my boyfriend!

You see, several years ago, at a very different time in my life, and for many reasons, I wasn’t allowed to tell my grandfather that I’m gay. Since that time, he passed away. Whether he “knew” I was gay or not probably doesn’t matter. Would he have understood? Would he have thought of me differently, who knows? What I can’t let happen is for my grandmother to not know me as a completely happy man, living a very lovely life. I have led a past of academic challenges that I overcame. Grandma and Grandpa are forever grateful for that. I have led a very successful life living and working in Chicago for 15 years. Grandma is so very happy for that. But ultimately, grandparents want their grandchildren to be happy. I want Grandma Bea to know that I have a great life and that I am very, very happy and that I am loved. I think she’ll be cool with that.

Good lord, where did 20 years go? Is it possible that I graduated from high school TWENTY YEARS ago? I’m excited to see what a 20-year high school reunion looks like. In the small town that my grandmother grew up in, they celebrate reunions yearly at the Alumni Banquet. It is one of my grandmother’s favorite things to do, to attend that banquet yearly. Now she has celebrated EIGHTY of them. EIGHTY people! My 20 years certainly pales in comparison, but I’m still excited. Who is going to be there? Will some of my childhood friends come? Will my high school crush still be as cute as he was back then? Will my boyfriend fall in love with Portage, MI? Ok, ok, let’s not get all crazy here. I do hope that some of the people who were important to me back then are there. I want them to know who I have become and I want to know who they have become. I believe it is an important life event, to celebrate 20 years since graduating high school. At that time, it was the most significant thing that had happened to most of us. Now, 20 years later, most of us, hopefully, have a lot more to share. It’s just exciting to me. Oh, and I can’t wait to take my boyfriend on the tour of Portage. Lake Center Elementary (now demolished and rebuilt), Portage Central Middle School, Portage Central High School (now demolished and rebuilt), Westnedge Ave., TCBY where I spent a lot of time loitering, and of course Lloy St. where I proudly grew up as one of the “Lloy Boys.” There are so many parts of my life back then that were great and should be celebrated. I really can’t wait!

Did I mention, we are having lunch with my favorite teacher of all time, my 4^th grade teacher. How many of you are still in touch with YOUR 4^th grade teacher? Mrs. Greene was an amazing inspiration in my life. Here’s the thing, every summer, about a week after school let out we would get our grade report. It was on carbon copy paper and was handwritten. Each year we would wait with excited anticipation with the answer, “Who would be our next teacher?” Moving from 3^rd to 4^th grade, I have to be honest, everyone wanted Mr. Root. He was the newer, young and fun 4^th grade teacher. I remember getting that report card in the mail on a warm, sunny June afternoon in 1986. I didn’t get Mr. Root and I was so disappointed. However, what a shortsighted almost 4^th grader didn’t know then, that he knows now, is that he was very lucky because Mrs. Greene would change his life.

Let me start with this bright red skirt suit that Mrs. Greene wore. She was the best dresser I had ever seen. Obviously as I have grown, fashion has become important to me. Well, let’s get real, even back then, my 4^th grade picture is of me in suspenders that my Aunt bought for me. But Mrs. Green was always dressed to the nines, as a teacher. She always looked great and honestly, there are days I get dressed, when I don’t necessarily care if I look nice, and I think of her presence in that 4^th grade classroom and how it has stuck with me some 28 years later. Mrs. Greene was also just a powerful, strong presence in the classroom. When I was a teacher, I feel that I modeled my classroom presence after her. No-nonsense yet caring, Mrs. Greene had a way of teaching us so many life lessons on a daily basis. One day, I will never forget, is the day Mrs. Greene’s life changed.

Our principal, another strong female role model, came into our classroom. She pulled Mrs. Greene out into the hallway. Soon after they both came back in and Mrs. Greene quickly gathered her things and left the classroom. Our student teacher at the time, Ms. L(I can’t quite remember her last name) took charge of the room. Mrs. Greene’s husband had suffered a heart attack. She was gone for about two weeks as she helped him recover. I remember missing her so much during those two weeks. Back then I probably didn’t quite understand that my teacher also had a life outside of school and that things happen in life. But I distinctively remember her being gone and me missing her as my teacher. Shortly after the two weeks Mrs. Greene was back. Her first day back, what did she wear, the red suit! Over the years I have stayed in touch with Mrs. Greene. In fact, when I was a senior in high school I would go to her classroom and work with her and her students. I always say, “I knew I wanted to be a teacher since 4^th grade.” I’m pretty sure it was because I wanted to dress as great as Mrs. Greene.

As I consider the excitement in the air this June, I can’t help but write about the most important decision the Supreme Court of the United States has ever made, concerning me personally, in my life. This month, SCOTUS will rule on gay marriage and if gay people nation wide should have the right to marry. Certainly, I hope, most of the people in my life believe that I should have the same rights as they do. My home state of Illinois allows me the right to marry, but still, too many other states in the United States do not allow gay people to marry. Some people might argue, just get married in a state that allows it, or move to a state that allows it. Years ago I used to think that State’s Rights was fine and that individual states could make their own decisions. Back then it didn’t matter to me because I lived in a very Democratic state. If I get married in Illinois and live here, it doesn’t matter. But, hold on a second, that isn’t fair. If I get married in Illinois, a state that recognizes gay marriage, but move back to Michigan, a state that doesn’t, it won’t be recognized. That isn’t fair. My straight counterparts in the United States can get married anywhere and move anywhere and it is still recognized. So now, the Supreme Court will rule on this matter by the end of the month. For obvious reasons, this is an important issue to me, but for historical reasons, the fact that the decision will come in June is really exciting.

I guess it goes without saying that I’m excited because I think the Supreme Court is going to rule on the right side of history. They might not, but fingers crossed, I hope they do. Why it’s exciting that June is the month is because Pride is celebrated across the nation each year the last weekend of June. Back on June 28^th, 1969 the gay community of New York City took to the streets in a violent protest against the police raid that took place the early hours of that day. The Stonewall Riots started the slow change that has rapidly picked up speed in the last few years. The Stonewall Inn in Greenwich Village was known to be a place for the most dismissed people of the gay community. On June 28, 1969 the gay community took part in what is considered the most important event leading toward gay liberation and the fight for LGBT rights in the United States. So what will SCOTUS rule? I guess we don’t know, but we can hope that they will rule in favor of equal rights for all people in the United States. I’m excited and hopeful to hear their ruling!

Excited about life…right now…I am. I’ve certainly learned that life evolves and changes, but what we have to do is enjoy the moment. Life ebbs and flows. There are happy times and sad times, bright times and dark times. Everyone goes through those ups and downs in life, but what I try to remember is that when you’re down, as Oprah has said, “the sun will rise tomorrow.” The sun always rises. And when you are in one of your up cycles, enjoy the hell out of it. Relish those moments. Recognize how it feels to wake up in the morning and get your day started. Soak in those high on life feelings, because inevitably, the down will come back, it will be more difficult to get out of bed and you have to work much harder to choose your attitude. If we can just remember when we are in a down, it will get better. The sun will rise tomorrow.

Right now I’m excited and I’m going to enjoy the hell out of this feeling. This summer I’m going to enjoy time with friends and family, my 97-year-old grandmother and my 4^th grade teacher. I’m going to enjoy the man I love and the life we have together. I’m going to hope for a great ruling on equality from the Supreme Court. I’m going to enjoy sleeping in and not packing my lunch and staying up late. I’m going to enjoy going back home for my 20^th reunion and all it has to offer. I’m going to enjoy a bottle or two of rosé. I’m going to enjoy the moments I have in life with those I love. As we know all too well, life is short so we have to seize the moment, enjoy what we love, and who we love and Say YES to Life!

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